I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I AM VODKA MAN
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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