sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
