just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
