Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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