This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
