OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
