If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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