I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
