I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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