Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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