I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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