I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Randomize
