I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
