ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
