Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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