I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
