yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
