ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
whose parrot is this?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Your penis caused this!
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