oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
