No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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