I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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