three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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