she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
