im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
