it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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