Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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