Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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