You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
