I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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