it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
