he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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