now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
