i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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