Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
