Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
