dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
