Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
