Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just want to make out with him forever
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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