I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
