Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When are your genitals available?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
