Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
