I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
