I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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