butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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