we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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