Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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