Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
