all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
