and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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