Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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