I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
And then he peed in my hair
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