i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
